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Relationships??

Mar 09

Relationships??

 

I often get asked about relationships – am I in one?  Do I want one?  The answer of course to both these questions is an unequivocal NO!

I’ve had to learn the hard way, I’ve had my heart broken several times and in fairness, I’ve broken several hearts along the way.

I haven’t been in a relationship now for some 13/14 years when my last one came to an end and my son’s mother (Leah) could stand it no longer and moved out.  For a start off there was a 16 year age gap between us which is a difficulty in itself and then there is my mental health difficulties, which at times, makes me very insular and being in a relationship with me can be a very lonely experience.  Leah and I were good friends prior to forming a relationship and since the split, that friendship has again recovered and even though Leah is now happily married to a wonderful husband, I know she still looks out for me and we speak on the phone a couple of times a week.

I was married some years back to a wonderful partner called Lucy.  We didn’t have kids and we basically fell out of love after seven years.  Again, the failure of this relationship was entirely my own fault and I seriously fucked-up.  But Lucy stays in contact via Facebook and we exchange birthday greetings and the odd message.

I’m bi-sexual and have never been able to make my mind up as to what gender I want a relationship with…which makes the whole subject very confusing.

But I’ve learnt some important lessons over the years about myself and what I have to offer as a partner…which is not much.  Yes, there are times when I can get a bit lonely and think it would be nice to share a movie and a bottle of wine with someone, but it soon passes and I immerse myself online in communities where no-one gives a shit as to my sexuality or mental health status.

In many ways I think I’m too old and too set in my own ways to develop a new relationship and if I get lonely once my son, Morgan goes to university, I’ll get myself a rescue dog.

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